Develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music — the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.
— Henry Miller (via fleurlungs)
4 . 24
Dressed in the sheerest of stockings
Dressed in the sheerest of stockings, having my toes licked, sniffed, and suckled on underneath the table as I write this. Sexy secretary fantasies are fast becoming my favourite.
4 . 23
The Heart That Keeps on Breaking
My friends are suffocating me with expressions of concern;
“Are you sick?”
“How’s your diet?”
“Have you been getting enough sleep?”
It looks as though something inside of me has been damaged, apparently.
This is the art of unfurling: all senses heightened, painfully. I am delicate, vulnerable, acutely aware.
When was the last time I fell into bed without sobbing? I cry in backseats, I cry over cups of camomile, I cry at the sight of photographs taken when I was deliriously happy. I cry alone, and I cry into the fleshy chest of whoever is closest at the time. I cry without knowing why.
What I do know, however, is that this heartbreak is wonderfully necessary. The lonesomeness, the jealousy, and the debilitating guilt draw my attention to the ways I’ve been holding myself back. Pain, although fleeting, is something I welcome and worship. Suffering is essential in the process of flourishing.
4 . 21
: Have you ever met a client outside work? Not as in an planned meeting, but someone coming up to you/recognizing you?
Being spotted is inevitable in this tiny city. Mostly, clients shy away from eye contact or we smile at each other and go about our routines.
Earlier in the year, my sweetest regular recognised me as I ordered food at the casino. Instead of saying hello, he moved behind me to an isolated corner in the room and stood alone, watching. He sent me messages throughout my cab ride home, asking if I’d accompany him on an interstate trip. I declined. It was an usual situation. He hasn’t seen me since.
4 . 18
: Hi. First, please take care of yourself. I don't know much but I hope the industry doesn't take a toll on your wellbeing. There are some questions I'd like to ask, if you don't mind. How tall are you? You seem... taller than average. Also, how long did it take for you to return to work after your breast augmentation? Do you cherish the newfound (male) attention after the procedure? Sending you good vibes. x
It’s sweet of you to send your thoughts and well wishes. Thank you. <3
I. I’m 5’10 / 178cm. My height makes me self-conscious.
II. I started working within two weeks of the procedure. My breasts were already very soft and looked natural at that point, so aside from my regulars, nobody has noticed. (I cover the scars with my hands by pretending to caress myself.)
III. There hasn’t been newfound attention because it’s rare for me to show off my cleavage. Generally, I try to avoid the male gaze when I go into public. I don’t enjoy being stared at, whistled at, commented on, or shouted at by men in passing cars when I’m going about my business — even if they think they mean well.
4 . 18
Self-soothing at six o’clock in the morning
Self-soothing at six o’clock in the morning by igniting bright soy candles, filling this space with piano-song, drinking dissolved honey, and devouring as many letters exchanged between distant lovers as I can find. Sometimes it’s hard to tell which is most powerful: love, or the pang of it’s absense. All was going well and I felt a little fuller until I scolded my thigh with spilled fresh tea, and wept (again).
4 . 18
BDSM does not depend on the gender or genitals of the people involved. It’s an exchange of energy as equals. It’s gifting loving energy and sensation from one person to another. Many people think BDSM can’t coexist with feminism, but BDSM allows so much space for it.
— Madison Young
4 . 18
: I've been talking to this new guy recently and on are last date we got to like 3rd base I guess (making out and touching each other) so at first he started touching me down there through my leggings and it felt good soo then he guided me to give him a handjob. It, would've been good except he eventually got hard but never came, I feel like I was doing it for like 20 mins or something. After complaining about my arm hurting we took a break and just cuddled.Why do you think he never came?
I’ve seen a lot of naked bodies in my time, but I’m by no means a dick-whisperer.
There are hundreds of reasons that a man’s orgasm may be inhibited. Maybe he was embarrassed, or worrying too much about you not enjoying yourself, or suffering from performance anxiety; he could have masturbated multiple times that day; maybe he had something in his system (alcohol, medication) that prevented him from cumming; his cock might not be sensitive to that type of stimulation; you may have been touching him in a way that’s different to what he’s used to / how he likes to masturbate; there could be a physiological cause; maybe he purposefully stopped himself from blowing his load over the both of you; he could be stressed and distracted by other aspects of his life; maybe he just didn’t feel like cumming at the time.
The possibilities are endless. Please don’t stress. It’s quite common for men to experience delayed ejaculation / no ejaculation at all. It certainly doesn’t mean he’s not attracted to you, or that you were doing something wrong. Next time, ask him what he likes, or ask him to show you how he masturbates while you touch yourself. (The added bonus is that he’ll be turned on even more so.)
And besides, sex / sexual activities don’t always have to end with orgasms. Try to enjoy the pleasure while you’re in the moment, and let go of the expectations. x
4 . 18
I once kicked somebody out of my bed
I once kicked somebody out of my bed after he tried slipping his dick inside of me without a condom, and then whinged about how they “dull the sensation.” As if I give a fuck. Sex need not revolve around the man being pleasured at the expense of the lady’s health. He grew increasingly confused, grovelled, and began telling me how beautiful I looked as I dressed and demanded that he leave, immediately.
Girls: Don’t put up with that shit. Ever. Such behaviour isn’t good enough. You should never be coerced into compromising your health simply because some asshole wants to blow his load quicker.
4 . 17
: what is latex clothing for? doesn't it feel uncomfortable?
(Reference to this post.)
Rubber fetishism is fairly common, however my attraction to latex isn’t sexual in the slightest. I like to wear it because it flourishes my figure and makes me feel pretty. I’d originally bought the outfit with the intention of wearing it to parties, but I think I’ll save it for Europe’s fetish scene.
The latex itself isn’t uncomfortable; it hugs the body and most of the time, I feel as though I’m nude. Though elaborate outfits (like the dress in the picture) are tricky to get into, and they can restrict movement. It can also be a sticky affair when the weather isn’t quite cold enough, because the skin has no chance to breathe.
4 . 17
: could i ask what your hobbies & interests are? you seem like such a lovely and kind woman that fills her time with the endless possibilities of the earth!
Hobbies: Pole dancing, journalling, lighting candles and reading in my bedroom for long periods of time, meditation, taking long walks / trying my hardest to reconnect with nature. I recently started volunteering at a shelter for abandoned animals, and it’s been the sweetest experience so far.
Interests: Visualisation, manifestation, The Law of Attraction, self improvement, daydreaming. Feminist and sex worker politics. Health, nurturing my body, maintaining balance. Learning; I’m always eager to learn (— especially about spiritualism, finance and investment, the creation and management of small businesses, astrology and astronomy). Being a positive influence on my environment and the people around me. Indulging in simple pleasures.
PS: Thank you for the kind compliments. (Though I promise I’m not as soft or wonderful as I may seem. The internet is illusive.) x
4 . 17
To wake, to kiss, to rub, to make love. To dream, not to wake fully, to make love.
— from Death Kit by Susan Sontag (via eveofartifice)
4 . 17
(Rant re: self respect)
I will derive immense pleasure from maiming the next person who tells me I lack self respect because of the way I dance, dress, and pleasure my body.
Self respect, by definition, is about pride, confidence, and how much one cares for themselves. To me, this means indulging in things that bring me bliss, and nurturing myself physically / emotionally / mentally / spiritually. I could suck one cock or a thousand cocks and still respect myself. Sexual expression is natural and healthy. Get the fuck over it and stop using “no self respect” as an insult.
And by the way, if you genuinely thought somebody lacked self respect, wouldn’t you sense that something was wrong and ask if they’re okay? Attacking a person who already feels terrible about themselves seems like a really cowardly thing to do, if you ask me.
4 . 14